On Thursday I
mentioned to someone that I love very much how I was asked to do this and that
I was a little nervous about the responsibility and wanting to say something
meaningful. She told me, “You shouldn't be nervous because I know you will
speak from your heart and everyone will feel that.” I hope that you find what I
say meaningful but I will promise you this, especially you Rob, Heather and Denny
– every word I say and every second I speak will come from the heart.
Human nature
is a funny thing, you see someone in a wheelchair and the first thing you see
is the chair, not the person in the chair; and typically, your first thoughts
are why and your first interaction has this awkwardness to it as a reflection
of those thoughts.
It wasn’t
long after the first time I met Mary that I realized how well she understood
this common behavior. So much so, that she had a clever distraction - one that
altered the landscape of that first interaction with her – that distraction had
a name - Mandy.
Who here
remembers Mandy?
Mandy was a
service dog, a very special service dog. You know how it goes when you see
someone with a dog, the attention gets focused initially on the dog and the
next interaction is with the person holding the dog, like magic, the wheelchair
disappears, at least for a little while. Certainly for a long enough period for
Mary to work her infectious and unique charm on you…that Mary charm.
Mary was
okay with breaking the rules of service dogs, typically it’s frowned upon for
people to fuss over a service dog like they would with any other dog, but Mary
let it happen and Mandy considered it part of her job.
I was always
convinced that Mandy knew that this was unusual and not covered in the service
dog training program but she was loyal to Mary. Mandy also knew how to keep it,
and Mary, in check – she knew just how much to give back to visitors and when
to reign it in. It was always pretty incredible to witness the bond between
Mandy and Mary; they are together again.
Earlier this
past week, I was driving up route 126 and stopped at a red light at the
intersection of route 30. If you are familiar with that intersection, you know
that it is somewhat menacing and infamously treacherous. As I came to my stop
and was observing the intersection activity, I spotted a blind woman with a
walking stick, all alone, waiting to cross route 30. My heartbeat rapidly
increased as I felt this immediate sense of concern and I thought, should stop
my car right where it is and run over to help this woman cross the street? It
was one of those moments where everything kind of slows down around you except
your thoughts and your heart rate. I noticed the light turn green, and as
usual, a car or two had to speed past to make the light and add unfortunate
credibility to both adjectives I used earlier about this intersection. I saw
the woman do a little move with her walking stick and just cross the street as
if it was no big deal.
I was
relieved, then all I could hear were the car horns, and that other stuff you
here from drivers behind you. As I moved on, the next thought I had was whether
I had prejudged that blind woman’s ability based on my perception of her
disability. It haunted me for a few minutes. The reason I bring up this story
is because one of the things Mary leaves us with are the lessons she learned about
overcoming obstacles and the lessons she taught us about how much one can do, and
that how much one is able to do should not be judged by anything other than
their shear will and desire to do it.
Mary fought
her share of battles, most would see the wheelchair and were at least able to have
some sense, maybe, of the physical challenges and the battles she had to fight to
ensure that she had the necessary accommodations to physically get through life.
I’d for one vote to put her picture next to the word persistence in the
dictionary. Mary was also a champion for all who demand and deserve equal
access and when something was not right, especially for those who didn’t feel
confident enough to demand for themselves, whether or not it affected her
personally, she spoke up, she was willing to stir the pot and she got results.
AS I write this, it reminds me of the last time I saw Mary, right here in this
church on the day that Denny was baptized. At that time, the lift we had that
goes up into our church hall had not been in the best condition and of all
people for it to not work for, I didn’t want it to be Mary – mostly because
she’s family at St. Andrew’s but also, I couldn’t be certain that she wouldn’t
rat us out J.
I should
probably mention how I know Mary, I work at MassBay Community College, not too
far from here, at the Framingham Campus. Mary was a student there from the fall
of 2005 until she achieved her dream of graduating in the spring of 2013.
Mary was
given the honor of being the student commencement speaker and I’ll share with
you one of the stories she told. Math was her nemesis, but she was as
determined as anyone to win yet another of so many battles, to her, this was
just another can’t that she knew she could…she did!
Mary would
sometimes spend a few hours at a time working with our math specialists, after
she was done, she would give them candy. In her words, “after two hours of
teaching me math, I figured they deserved a treat!” I remember her doing this,
she would often slip me a piece of candy , which is pretty cool because I
didn’t have to sit through two hours of math to earn it…I guess she liked me J.
It’s
important to recognize that Mary was so grateful to all who gave her the love, the
respect, the help and honored her dignity not as someone with a disability but
as someone.
In her commencement
speech, Mary revealed that she had a number of learning disabilities growing up
and this was during a time when such disabilities weren’t recognized publically,
there were no learning specialists, no Americans with Disabilities Act; in
fact, she spoke of being ridiculed and ignored. During that speech, Mary
mentioned how people would call her “stupid”, then she looked out at the large
commencement crowd and with a pride that beamed so bright it could light up the
entire town, she said, in that gritty, I’ve lived this life voice that was
recognizable from anywhere within hearing range, “I proved them wrong”…the
crowd applauded.
It’s almost
serendipitous that we here at St. Andrew’s are amid construction to make our
facility more accessible to all people. I ask that you take this with you when
you leave here, it may seem obvious but we all need a reminder every once in a
while, especially in the times we are living in right now. When you look out
into a crowd of people, see just that, a crowd of people. Mary was a constant
reminder of that, I saw her share her heart with countless numbers of students
in the years she spent at MassBay. Mary was a fellow student, a mother figure,
an ambassador, a woman of faith and a friend to all.
I’ll close
with the words Mary closed her commencement speech with and suggest that Rob
and Heather play back that speech for young Denny down the road, where he can
hear his grandmother say “If you want something, really bad enough, you can
accomplish your goal with hard work and determination. Don’t let anybody tell
you you can’t do it, just say you can do it…and do it.”
