Thursday, March 31, 2005

Bad Conversations

The following three conversations are all adapted from actual real-life conversations I've had. The witty intellectual voice is mine, the other one is not.

Bad Phone Conversation

Phone rings at home; you pick it up and say “Hello.” Caller says, “Who is this?” Your mouth begins to move in preparation to respond with the answer to the question when you realize the inappropriate nature and instead say, “Uh, you called me, who is this?” “Nevermind!” [Click]

Bad F2F Conversation

“Hey, how are you.” “I am fine, thanks for asking.” “I’m fine too, though you didn’t really ask.” “You are right, I didn’t.”
[Uncomfortable Pause]
“So, you’re here today.” “Actually not, at this time I am merely a figment of your subconscious mind manifesting itself in a three dimensional life-like image to help you justify having a conversation with someone who is not actually present.”

Another Bad F2F Conversation

“Hi, I was hoping to speak with you for a few minutes, when are you here?” “Considering the fact that you and I are having this conversation in the present and are physically close enough to each other that we can touch, I’d have to say right now.”

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Food for Thought

or, My Two Cents on the Terry Schiavo Case.

It pains me to see this amount of media coverage on what really should be a private affair. This is a far more complex issue for anyone to comment on from any perspective outside the one that the immediate family of Terry Schiavo herself. However, I'll make a couple of points that have come to me over the last few weeks:

  • There's an obscene irony in that what caused her condition was a complication from an eating disorder.
  • I can't understand the logic behind keeping someone alive in that fashion for 15 years or more when the condition is clearly incurable.
  • If the family wishes to keep her alive, and had the resources to pay for the treatment and facility, they should have that right.
  • Terry Schiavo's husband is clearly a deeply disturbed man and should seek professional help. I say that not as a criticism but as an observation and sincere opinion.
  • I hope that if Terry Schiavo has any sense of awareness it is focused only on how much her parents love her.
  • As I type these thoughts I find myself saddened at this whole situation, trying to find some sense of understanding that I know does not exist.
  • My thoughts and prayers are with Terry Schiavo and her family.
  • I suspect there are lessons that we all can learn from this case. If there must be so much suffering and pain covered by the media, I hope that we all can learn something from it.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

I Miss...

...Daisy, Jams, and L from Bloggerville.
...Bitching about it being too hot.
...All my NY friends that I haven't had the chance to visit with in way too long.
...My mom & dad (even though a part of them will always be with me).
...Roy Orbison. I'll never forget being in the 3rd row center at Pier 84, standing on the chair and singing along every song in the show.
...Not having responsibilities (and having them but not giving a crap about them).

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Starring FDR as FDR

You just got to love this level of ridiculousity. The bookmark pictured here is
prominently displayed aside an 8 1/2 x 11 photo advertising this FDR special on the History channel. The artwork is similar to a previous feature on the history channel which had Tom Selleck portraying "Ike".
So, I come across this new FDR display and utter in my own stupidity to the librarian, "Wow, who is that dude playing FDR - it looks just like him?"
Response, "Uh, that is FDR, it's a documentary."
Me, "Sorry, I'm the idiot."
Fade to black.
In other news, the trip to NYC was fun. Friday night was a surprise 40th birthday party for my friend Rob. Johnny Dee gets the nod for the most creative gift having made a 3 CD set of music chronicling each of the 40 years of life for Rob. Kudos the Rob's dad Phil and Janine for assembling the "How well do you know Rob" quiz (after 20 some odd years - not so well for me apparently).
Earlier today I got to spend some time with my brother, sister-in-law to be,
My sister, her significant other, and my nephew and niece who are all grown up (16 and 13). Hopefully some pics will follow if my sister remembers to email them to me.
Finally, thanks to all the idiots who drove in front of me during the 222+ mile journey home - I hated all of you!
Happy Easter.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

NYC and my friend Jenn

I'll be heading down to NYC tomorrow for a surprise 40th birthday party being held for a good friend. We're staying overnight and getting together with my brother, his fiancee, my sister, and her kids for lunch on Saturday.

Take a visit over to my friend Jenn's website. Plain and simple, Jenn Rocks!!!

The dime could very well be the saddest coin.

When was the last time you had tapioca pudding?

My friends Nancy firmly believes there is such a thing as a stupid question. I agree.

I find Sandra Bullock sexy.

There's a new flavor of Wrigley's extra gum...Green Apple.

I highly recommend Ray's frozen bagels.

Sweet dreams to all of you.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Italian Who Went To Detroit

I was thinking about my Dad to day who passed away 12 years ago on the 30th of this month. My dad loved to laugh and joke around alot - I'll probably write a post about him next week but there was one specific joke he brought home from work one day. Before jokes got passed around via email they used to travel about in packs of photocopied materials. Amongst the pack of stuff one day was this little story called "The Italian Who Went to Detroit". What made it funny is that my father emigrated from Italy at the age of 30 so he always had a pretty thick accent and when read with an Italian accent, this still gets me laughing like crazy. Dad, if you can read this blog in heaven, this one's for you...

The Italian Who Went To Detroit

One day Ima gonna go to Detroit to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss’s toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say, go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna two piss on mya plate. She say you better no piss on your plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know this lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.

Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. Itella her I wanna fock. She tells me everyone wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room in a hotel and there is no shits on a my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better no shit on the bed you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say, Peace to you. I say piss ona you to, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna go back to Italy.


-I love my iPod.

-iTunes could be improved.

-Fairly new (to me) CD's that I am loving include: Good Charlotte and The Young and the Hopeless (both by Good Charlotte), Live and Kickin' (Willie Nelson and Friends), Drunk Enough to Dance (bowling for Soup), and Lucky Ones (Pat Green).

-After a complete disappointment with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Kevin Smith made a triumphant return to good films with Jersey Girl which I absolutely loved.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


I like that word, "Pleasantries". While exchanging pleasantries during coffee hour after church, two people came up to me and stated, "you've lost weight!" Considering that I've severely changed my eating habits (for the better), walk a minimum of 4.5 miles a day, and as a result am considerably more miserable because all I want is a few dozen double-stuff oreos and a vat of milk to dunk'em in.

Today I fixed a colleagues Palm computer and made a retarded reference to Palm Sunday.

I'd like to publicly thank Egan for recognizing the "balls" I had publishing that goofy ass photo - funny how it came right after the queer eye guy quiz.

Peace to all!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

From the Photo Vault

LL Cool J and Not So Cool Me (1990ish)

Back in the early 80's while in college, I was the production director of the college radio station; which means I had access and control of some fairly neat equipment. Two of my college friends who also had a radio show were these rappers called "Jekkyl and Hyde" who had already recorded their first album.

One day, Jekkyl and Hyde (whose actual names escape me after all these years especially since I actually called them by their rap names)come in with a neighborhood friend of theirs named James. James (they said) was working on some demos and asked me if he could have access to some of my production equipment. I was pretty tight with the guys and gladly allowed their friend to use my studio.

About a year or so later (1985ish), this album comes out called "Radio" by a guy named L.L. Cool J who is actually James Todd Smith from Queens...the same James who used my equipment.

Fast forward about 5 years or so, sometime between 1990 and 1991 and my girlfriend and I are stumbling into a diner in Queens, NY after partying hard (major drinking and a ridiculous amount of pot) and who is sitting at the table next to where we were seated? The one and only rap music superstar L.L. Cool J. By this time, Cool J had three albums under his belt (including one of my all time favorites "Walking with a Panther") and his fourth album had just "dropped" ("Mama Said Knock You Out").

Anyway, I was stoned, drunk, and therefore bold enough to walk up to him and before I said a word he whispered something in his (giant) bodyguards ear and the next thing I know I'm having this photo taken. Turns out he recognized me and was very nice (though he wasn't thrilled trying to decipher the gibberish coming from my pothead drunken self at the time). He was gracious to chat for a few moments, introduce himself to my girlfriend, and then ask for his privacy back.

Note the giant glasses, the big hair, and the goofy, I just smoked way too much pot grin on my face.


Friday, March 18, 2005

Quizmania Strikes Again!

Take the quiz: "Which Queer Eye Guy Are You?"

You are Ted! You're a wizard with a whisk, a master with a meat cleaver and a king in the kitchen. And you rule it well. Also an expert on utensils and cookware, you know exactly the right dish for every occasion. You're so useful, everyone wants you around the house!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Tea for Two and Two for...

from the just when you thought you heard it all files:

Man with two penises can't get any loving...

Berlin - A German man, who persuaded doctors to give him a second penis, lost his wife after he showed her the result.

Biker Michael Gruber, 40, lost his original penis in a motorbike accident and doctors built him a second one using a mixture of skin, bone and other tissues from his own body.

The makeshift penis worked so well that he was even able to father a child with his wife Bianca, 25, and their son Etienne was born last year.

But Gruber was still not happy and asked doctors to repeat the operation and build him a better organ, to which they agreed.

However, before removing the first penis doctors said they needed to make sure the new tissue transplant was a success, and had to leave the first penis in place.

Dr Markus Kuentscher, a plastic surgeon at Berlin's Accident Hospital, said: "We left the old one attached until the new one is properly supplied with blood."

But when Gruber showed his wife his double penis, she went home, packed her bags and left.

From his hospital bed he said: "I've got two penises but no wife, but I am hoping when I get rid of one of the penises I will get her back."

His testicles are intact and will be connected to his new penis when doctors are happy the operation was a success.

His story was this week featured on a German TV documentary called The Last Penis Operation. -

Published on the Web by IOL on 2005-03-12 15:36:29

Monday, March 14, 2005

The Walk for Hunger

I will be participating this year in "The Walk for Hunger' on Sunday, May 1st, 2005.

If you would like to pledge/contribute...

...Make your donation online by clicking this link --> Make Donation Here!
...Mail a check or money order made Payable to Project Bread: Walk for Hunger to the following address:
Chris Daniele
PO Box 2828
Framingham, MA 01703-2828

For more information on Project Bread/The Walk for Hunger, click the link in this sentence.

Thanks to all in advance.

My New Spell Checker

I have always loved this...

Seems the image of the silly poem is gone, here's the actual poem in text form:

Eye halve a spelling chequer. It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say
weather eye am wrong oar write it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite, its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it.
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.

-Sauce Unknown

Sunday, March 13, 2005

A Little Action (in the DVD Player)

Last year I read alot of books and cut down my movie watching. For some reason I can't get myself into reading again and as such have only made it through one boom thus far. As I sit here, I just finished watching movie number ten of the year and since I have nothing else to write about - I thought I'd talk a bit about the films.

A couple years ago when I began (ridiculously) keeping track of the movies I've seen, I came up with an even more ridiculous rating system (on a scale of 1-5) that scored the film based on how I felt after watching in terms of total entertainment value. I've come to realize after reviewing those lists and even seeing some of those movies again that the ratings really are "in the moment" so that being said, here are the movies I've seen so far (in the order that I saw them):

1. Fahrenheit 9/11 (Rating 4.5/5) - an important movie that needed to be edited down to 100 minutes or less. Too much of a good bad thing gets a bit monotonous and monotony can get boring.

2. Coffee and Cigarettes (Rating 2.5/5) - this is a Jim Jarmusch film that falls a bit short of on the total package but has some really great moments (Roberto Benigni and Steven Wright's scene is simply brilliant).

3. Secret Window (Rating 2.5/5) - I think I already wrote about this in a previous post. Johnny Depp is outstanding as always but the film was just poorly made.

4. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (Rating 2.5/5) - I'm not afraid to say I was disappointed. Tarantino has balls but falls short here in my opinion. At least 2 of the 2.5 point goes to Uma Thurman; more accurately her eyes which completely took my breath away in this movie.

5. Shrek 2 (Rating 4.5/5) - I almost chose not to see this because I really didn't like the first Shrek movie. I laughed alot and thought the story was cute. As I write this I can't remember why I even knocked of 1/2 a point.

6. Starsky & Hutch (Rating 2.5/5) - This was a letdown for me because I used to be a huge fan of the show when it aired back in the 1970's. A bad parody, poor screenplay, with a few good moments from Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller. Props to Snoop Dogg who was brilliant (yes, I said brilliant) as Huggy Bear.

7. The Ladykillers (Rating 3.5/5) - Class Coen brothers material here with a terrific cast led by Tom Hanks who demonstrates just how versatile an actor he really is with this role. An entertaining little picture!

8. Elf (Rating 5/5) - in a word..."timeless classic". Okay, so that's two words but this is simply a great film that I had a great time watching with my 6 year old (except that she had already seen it and insisted on telling me everything that was going to happen just before it did).

9. Dodgeball (Rating 2/5) - a couple of stupid laughs overshadowing the bigger joke that Dodgeball is depicted as a serious sport. In fact the only real redeeming quality of this fill is that the game of dodgeball is used as a character in the film.

10. The Big Bounce (Rating 2.5/5) - A poor directing job, a bad script that hangs by a thin thread of good actors that make it bearable to sit through a short 83 minutes.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Winter Wonderland?

Surprise Surprise - More snow. Mother nature must be mighty pissed of at us as another ridiculous snowstorm hit us overnight and all day today. I just got in from cleaning up and thought I'd post thses pics I took about two hours or so ago.


Updated Trees

Back Yard

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Breast Feeding

There are some days when even I am startled as the gap between my mental and chronological ages; today is one of those days. I'm wnadering about the library at the college and smack dab in the center of the circulation desk is a "handout" on Breast Feeding (apparently for the nursing students).

So, what does 40 year old (chronological) academic computing professional and professor of computer literacy do? If you guessed begin to read the sheet aloud - you are CORRECT!!!

For your benefit (regardless of whether you choose to use it as it was intended, or to be an ass like me), here is the text of that document.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



1. Go to the bathroom.
2. Pour a glass of juice or water .You will be thirsty. A bending flexible straw in the glass will make it easier to sip liquids while you breastfeed.
3. Massage breasts.
4. Nipple roll.
5. Get fingers about 1 inch behind areola. If breasts are very full and hard, express some of the milk by hand or with a manual pump.
6. Now put the baby to the breast. RELAX. Sit back with pillows.

This is a temporary problem which may arise between 2 and 5 days after the baby is born. The breasts swell and can be hard, very warm to the touch, and heavy. This is due to the increased blood supply to the breasts. Not all women become engorged.

Early Frequent Feedings Help. (Every 1 1/2 to 2 hours).
Put the baby to breast 7 to 9 minutes from the very first feeding. This allows your milk let-down reflex to start.
Apply MOIST HEAT about 30 minutes before feeding. Get in shower and let water run over your back, down shoulders onto breasts. Can also apply warm compresses, or submerge breasts in basin of water.
Massage breasts during feeding to get milk going.
If baby cannot latch on because breast is too hard and nipple is flat use a manual pump to get some milk off before you put baby to breast. (You can also hand express).
You can adjust some of these ideas to your own needs.

Buy the Book BREASTFEEING YOUR BABY by Walker and Driscoll. Avery Publishing Co. Paperback book, purple color. Available at HCHP Pharmacy.

Lamaze Childbirth Education, Inc. (Cynthia Gilbert/1984)

Monday, March 07, 2005

A (slightly) New Look

Notice the logo/graphic at the top? After much hunting aroung and asking questions, I found the bulk of the answer to "How?" at this site: CLICK ME.

A bit of touching up here and there (struggling through HTML) and viola!

I hope you are all as pleased as I am.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Name Acronyms

Melika had this on her blog, she acknowledged that it was lame, so I went ahead and copied her.


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator

Saturday, March 05, 2005

10,000 a Day - Part 1

"They", you know them, the ones that are constantly ruining your life with recommendations for staying alive without the need for medical apparatus recommend that you should walk at least 10,000 steps a day for "better health".

With my recent cholesterol level being on a mission to mars, I am trying to bring it back to earth without the use of the mighty Lipitor and as such, have been suckered by "they" into giving this 10,000 steps a day a shot.

After some Thursday morning research on consumer reports yielded me the information I needed regarding the top rated pedometer, I headed over to WalMart at lunchtime to purchase my own Omron HJ-112.

As the crack of dawn arrived on Friday (5:50am at the sound of the alarm), I awoke prepared to don my new electronic step counter and prepared to attain my 10,000 step goal. Like any kid with a new toy (geek with a new pedometer), I constantly made spot checks to see where my step count was and realized that 10,000 steps was probably harder than I originally thought (considering the bulk of my work is done while sitting on my fat ass). As the day ended (which included a 30 brisk walk on my treadmill), my trusty new pedometer read a depressingly off a bit step count of 8288 steps. I retired early this Friday and was sound asleep by 9:45pm.

Saturday morning comes along with a new strategy for reaching my goal of 10,000 steps. I thought I'd get on the old treadmill and spend time walking and reading and listening to music for about an hour or so. It was kind of fun to read a bit, listen to some music, and get some exercise. In fact, here's how the treadmill read at the end...

3.22 miles after 65 minutes and 33 seconds. A good head start to my day which included a walk through BJ's for some grocery items and a walk through Lowe's for light bulbs and a look at hardwood flooring and kitchens. As I type this, my pedometer is at 9969 steps at 9:12pm. Needless to say, I'm gonna make it to 10,000 steps today and it was much harder than I originally thought.

Some Thing's in Life are Free

Free for the Asking!

Hard to believe but true. I've been shifting some things in my office and stumbled across this lovely package that was sent to me by Microsoft absolutley free of charge containing the full versions of Microsoft Office 2003 Professional and OneNote 2003.

Considering that I already have a full version of both products as I am covered under our campus agreement (at a healty 50K per year or so to Microsoft from the College), I would gladly offer up this treat to the first person who simply asks for it. Email me and I will mail it out to you for your own enjoyment (and/or frustration).

Friday, March 04, 2005

30 Days and Counting

30 days until the start of the baseball season for my beloved New York Yankees.

Happy Birthday to my brother John who turns 46 today.

I am trying to find a non-perishable non-dairy creamer product, anybody know of one?

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Hope Springs Eternal Once More

I started working at the College in February of 1998. At that time, the president (of the college) had been near the end of a 17 year reign, was mired in controversy, and absent for most of his last year in office. In fact, I couldn’t pick the guy out of a lineup until he finally showed his face at a convocation he called to tell (lie) about some of the aforementioned controversy.

After RVW was gone, a search process left us with a new president who took office on March 25th of 1999. There’s that expression “hope springs eternal” which I think the entire College community was aspiring to; Morale had been down for a long time and at this point there was seismic blend of hope and fear in the air. The fear factor had increased a bit when eight top level administrators had found themselves on the unemployment line before the first month of the new president’s reign has lapsed. Of course the big question at the time was whether or not this represented the release of dead wood or proof positive of the theory “absolute power corrupts absolutely”? It wasn’t long before most of us realized the latter was true and morale once again dipped; farther and faster than before. Unfortunately, the reign of horror lasted for five and a half long years before Dr. N retired (surprise, surprise – in a wealth of controversy of his own).

So, a new search began in the summer of 2004 and once again, the college community waits, wonders, and hopes. I made a conscious decision to stay abreast of the presidential search process and even took part in the final interviews where final six candidates (one by one) meet with the entire college community and promote the curriculum vitae (resume) and answer questions. It was during this process where I made my mind up as to who I’d like to see as our next president but the only input I had was my evaluation form that I was asked to submit after each of the interviews.

I am elated that as of March 1st, Dr. J took office as president of our College. Having listened to her speak, had a conversation with her, and watched her as she greeted the college community one by one from teachers, to staff, to janitors, and students – listening, taking notes, and being attentive. I have great hope for the future of our wonderful school and look forward to all of the wonderful possibilities. Here’s to the future!