Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Stipend to Hell

I found this crazy list here.
My total was $415.60

Smoked pot..........$10
Did acid..........$5
Ever had sex at church..........$25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you..........$40
Had sex with someone on MySpace..........$25
Had sex for money..........$100
Vandalized something..........$20
Had sex on your parents' bed..........$10
Beat up someone..........$20
Been jumped..........$10
Crossed dressed..........$10
Given money to stripper..........$25
Been in love with a stripper..........$20
Kissed someone whose name you didn't know..........$.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work..........$15
Ever drive drunk..........$20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk..........$50
Used toys while having sex..........$30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before..........$20
Went skinny dipping..........$5
Had sex in a pool..........$20
Kissed someone of the same sex..........$10
Had sex with someone of the same sex..........$20
Cheated on your significant other..........$10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend..........$20
Done oral..........$5
Got oral..........$5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving..........$25
Stole something..........$10
Had sex with someone in jail..........$25
Made a nasty home video..........$15
Had a threesome..........$50
Had sex in the wild..........$20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex..........$25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars..........$20
Had sex with someone 10 years older..........$20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27..........$25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time..........$50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it..........$25
Went streaking..........$5
Went streaking in broad daylight..........$15
Been arrested..........$5
Spent time in jail..........$15
Peed in the pool..........$0.50
Played spin the bottle..........$5
Done something you regret..........$20
Had sex with your best friend..........$20
Had sex with someone you work with at work..........$25
Had anal sex..........$80
Lied to your mate..........$5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good..........$25

Monday, March 26, 2007

Wacky Spam

This has to be one of the oddest spam emails I've ever received - I have no clue what to make of it:

From: Pinar Pfeiffer []
To: From a Whisper to a Scream
Subject:Re: new vamur

Consider reality. You are mobile, cher Jim while I am, so to speak, situation I excused myself and went for a jog. Returned sweating feinted a fist at his jaw, saw him move to block it. Kept turning in men, I remember that all too clearly. Unclean indeed! No women answer to that question was pretty obvious. I nearly fell after them What had wakened me? their bondage. You will find that Mata will be able to advise you on censorious than I had intended, cut through the peaceful scene. reached down and opened a valve and I could hear the gurgle of liquid First the Esc and now this. Our humble harp player reveals hidden cultures have been formed here as like found like. Or violent men the one who will be helped the most by your understanding of this numberless rustlers. object? rule. Men who act like women. Here we hearken back to the days of the rehearse the stuff and hopefully gain at least a moderate level of

Everything you see here in red is exactly as it was sent to me. Note the subject line indicating this is a reply, to a "new vamur" of all things. Oh, what the hell is a "vamur"? I really have no clue what the heck this is all about. I find it somewhat interesting that is just ends. Did the author have in mind a specific number of words to include before they thought the reader would lose interest realizing that it was spam? Perhaps is is an attempt at a cliffhanger for a spam yet to come. Or, maybe I am supposed to figure out that the sender wants me to complete it and send it back for a spanking prize (or maybe just a spanking).

Oh well, it's out of my system now. Have a nice day.

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Walk for Hunger 2007

On May 6th I will be participating in the Walk for Hunger for the 4th time. Click on the picture above to go to my personal walk web site and read about the cause, my part in it, and if you are so inclined, make a donation.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Absolutely Nothing (or, a story about bad wine and good wine)

I opened a bottle of wine that my wife brought back from Brazil last year. I was suspicious when I first began to pour the elixir and noticed that it was an odd shade of brownish. I then did the swirl thing and took a whiff to discover a vinegary scent. As if this wasn't enough of a reason to toss the crap, jackass that I am actually placed a sip into my mouth only to sput it out almost imediately. I have to wonder if it went bad or was always crappy.

So, I did the only logical thing. I opened a great bottle of 1997 Muga Rioga Reserva - my last one -and enjoyed a quality glass of wine from Spain. Hey Sprizee, you by chance reading this? You were just over there in Spain, did you see any bottles of this wonderful wine? I bought 4 bottles after I tastes it at Johnny Dee's a couple of years ago and now my stock is gone :(.

Tomorrow I will post information about this year's Walk for Hunger and my fundraising effort. Until then...peace out.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Shipping News

Life in New England after a snow storm is all about being able to navigate around mountains of giant dirty snow cones. Spring is now upon us and here in New England, that really doesn't mean much but we remain hopeful that snow will no longer be a factor, but nobody puts their snow throwers back in storage until the latter part of April, just in case.

While nothing close to an expert, I did an assessment of the collaterla damage on my snow thrower and it appears to be a relatively simple fix in replacing the traction drive cable. I was pleasantly surprised that the replacement cable only costs $6.33. However,I as uttlerly pissed off that I had to pay $6.99 shipping to get the $6.33 cable delivered to me; that should be illegal.

If you haven't seen the movie whose title is the same as that of this post, I highly recommend that you do so, it was teriffic.

Did you know that during passover, kosher Coca Cola is a big seller in and out of the Jewish community. The reason - it's made with real sugar as opposed to corn syrup.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Sn:(w Thr:(wer Sadness

So much for my plea - it snowed like H E double hockey sticks and to add insult to injury, it hailed on top of it to create a thick, sloppy, heavy, cold substance that has the power to injure, and seriously mame a snow thrower.

In fact, there goes my chance at offering a season off for my snow thrower as yesterday, after changing the oil and filling it will fresh, $2.53 per gallon gasoline, I fired her up and she treated my nicely as at about 2:30 pm yesterday, the snow was vast, yet powdery and soft and moved with ease.

Having listened to the weather forecast, knowing that additional, and more evil forms of moisture were eminent, I should have probably made another round of clearing around sevenish, before darkness would have made it too difficult and far less appealing, if that is at all possible. However, I procrastinated and at 7:30 this morning I began what became as unfun an experience as one could expect.

I opened up both garage doors and fired up the snow thrower. Mind you again it was 7:30 am on a Saturday nonetheless, I'm betting that the neighbors weren't so happy with me. After a brief warming of the engine, I clicked the snow thrower into second gear and press the levers for the traction drive and the auger drive and slowly, a path started to form as the murky slush was struggling to fly through the release shoot. I knew this was going to be a project and a project it was as it took nearly an hour to just clear out the space in front of the garages. Though my snow thrower is rather large at 9 horsepower and a 29 inch clearing path, the weight of the slush made it so that I could only effectively work through about a 12 inch cut each time to compensate for the excess as I moved forward, this made for slow going and I could feel the strain being put on the traction drive system, it just wasn't planning on working this hard either (especially after the previous days powdery tease).

I took a water break before proceeding with the long driveway. I managed to work my way down by having to step back after every few feet cleared so as to build momentum to aid in the clearing process of the heavy snowy substance which got progressively heavier as it was hailing throughout the morning. Also, as the town plows the street, it pushes everything toward the curbs and the residual mess goes flying onto the driveways of homes, such as my own, creating a near impossibility to break through. As I neared the end of the driveway on my first pass down I noticed that the traction drive cable had snapped; which means that the only way to move the snow thrower was manually. Here's why that isn't an option: the snow thrower weighs over 200 pounds and there is super heavy slush resisting it. On top of that, I need my right hand to control the auger besides, at this point I was on the brink of exhaustion. Of course because I am stubborn, I did try pulling the traction able and it was not only unsuccessful, but probably whimsical to passers by.

Finally, I shut down the ailing snow thrower and dragged back into the garage. And then, like an insane person, proceeded to walk up and down the partial path I had created and feel sadness for my broken snow thrower, the idea of what it will cost to repair, and thoughts of what I need to do to clear my driveway enough so that a car could pass through. As I stood at near the street, I watched countless plows passing by and fretted that I would need to call one of them and be at their mercy.

After careful consideration in my insane state, I went into the house to warm up for a bit and think. I decided to call a local plow service whose sign I pass daily. I get the guy on the phone and tell him that my snow thrower died halfway through my mission (as if he cares) and that I would need him to finish the job. He told me that he would have someone over within the hour and I immediately panicked because I only had about thirty bucks in cash with me and several years ago, before I purchased my once trusty snow thrower, I was quoted sixty dollars for the privilege of someone driving up and down my driveway repeatedly until all the snow had been cleverly plowed to an out of the way place on my property. I tried getting the guys attention on the phone asking if he would accept a check or a credit card but he had apparently hung up on me immediately after he said that someone would be there within the hour.

I then waited on my couch in a state of panic praying that he would be okay with a form of payment other than cash, or at least be willing to wait for me to take a trip to the ATM after he cleared passage for my car to pass. Pleasantly, after he was done, I greeted him at the front of the driveway and he asked if I was happy with the 90 seconds of driving he had done. He then asked for a mere twenty dollars for his labors and offered me a business card. Of course, once the town decided to send out the mini-plows to clear a path on the sidewalk, which will totally fuck up the front of mine, and everyone else's driveway but I am praying that won't be until Tuesday and hopeful that between now and then, there will be a good amount of melt. Of course I now need to arrange for a repair of the snow thrower - always a cause for anxiety as a home owner.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Baby Please Don't Snow

After a few beautiful days, tonight the forecast is for a whopping heap of snow. Now you may recall my Valentine dilemma when my winter without moving snow plan went to shit. I had planned on leaving the snow thrower in the shed all year giving it a very well deserved season off. However, with the pending forecast and the remnants of 2/14 just fading away now and the memory of how difficult it was to navigate my driveway for the last few weeks - I moved the snow thrower from the shed to the garage and filled up the gas can in anticipation of the pending Nor'easter. What poetic justice it would be if the storn passes.

I don't understand why bread and butter pickles are called bread and butter pickles but I like them anyway.

For some I'd reason, I'd like a literal example of a gross understatement.

Knick Knack Patty Whack Give a Dog a Bone.

Peace Out!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Funny Amazon Review

My friend Nancy pointed this reivew of a portable DVD player out to me; it's hilarious...Click here for the listing on Amazon...

62 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

Some people are idiots, this is a great player!, September 26, 2006
Reviewer: Mark Eaker "Megaeak" (Denver, CO, USA)

I can't speak to those who have had technical issues because mine has functioned flawlessly. That being said, I've had to replace two ipods but they are still the best out there, same goes for the PET1002. So, who gives two rat craps about the manual?? It is fairly user frindly and I was up and running right out of the box in minutes. If you need a manual to use this thing Im betting on two things, 1) You still use a VCR, and 2) the clock on it blinks 12:00. You also probably need the directions that come on shampoo and pop-tarts. If you are savvy enough, internet wise, to write an online review you should have realized you can get a pdf of the manual on the philips website and read and zoom till your hearts content. Scanning and enlarging?? There is so much wrong with that I don't know where to start. As for the player itself, yes the motor is a bit noisy, but no more so than most portables I've used, so just dont fire it up in church or in the babies crib. The speakers are small, tinny, and not very loud. If you want this thing to weigh 20lbs and come with a subwoofer, you are an idiot. Thats why there are HEADPHONE JACKS, which are plenty loud enough for all but artillery veterans. If you and your four kids can't hear the speakers WHILE ON A PLANE its because the other passengers have stuffed you in an overhead bin for being so inconsiderate. Thats like bringing a boombox on a bus, people will hate you at best and possibly punch you in the face. Also, do you complain that your car doesn't come with a blender, NO! So, don't buy a portable DVD for the whole family to watch, its not a frickin home theatre. You wouldn't buy a portable cd player for the whole family to listen too, or maybe you would, some people are a bit stupid. The screen is beautiful, very crisp, no dead pixels or screen door effect. Great contrast with plenty of adjustment range. The black levels can be a bit washed out but thats typical of all LCD screens, but this one pulls off dark sceens nicely. If you are shopping for the kids buy a cheapo, heck buy three for the price of this one, because kids couldn't care less about video/audio quality. Buying the PET1002 for children is like buying Barney on HD-DVD or Blu-Ray. I have achived over 5hrs of playback before getting the battery warning light. By far the best i've found and amazing for a player with a screen of this size! Also this will play most video files you have on your computer. Load all those naughty mpgs from you compter onto a CD-R and this guy will play them! I haven't tried playing shows burned from itunes yet. If you want the-absolute-best video quality available, lots of flexability, and are gadget wise enough to run a toaster without needing a g.d. manual, get one of these, awesome product!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Paws without Claws and a Bullet Point or Two

I know that some might be unhappy about this decision, but I am going to have my cat declawed; it's the only way I can allow him to remain a member of this household. Now before anyone starts up with all the babble, I actualy did real research. Yes, I know there is a reason that cats are born with claws and I am fully aware of what is involved in the declawing procedure. However,let's put it all in perspective - I rescued the cute little fucker from a shelter because he was abandoned and now, he has a great fucking life. Unfortutnately, his bad habits, not his natural tendencies and yes, I am qualified to know the difference because I said so mean he is going to continue to have a great life, it's just going to have to be without claws.

Rest in Piece to comic Richard Jeni. It's very sad and I won't comment other that I am very sorry that it came to that.

What the fuck is the deal with contractors?

I was going to be working on a Habitat for Humanity project next Wednesday, but it appears I may have to bail out on principle. I'll have to do it again on my own because apparently some don't understand what outreach really is all about.

It may hit 70 degres in Boston tomorrow. WOW! We planted tulip bulbs before the first freeze for the first time and I am looking forward to seem them bloom.

Super congrats to E and N on the pending birth of their baby daughter.

Rest in Peace Joe F. Say hi to my mom and dad for me.

Later for now.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Boston Loses its Voice

Brad Delp, lead singer of the band Boston passed away on Friday. While not prolific by any means having released only four albums in their 32 year history, the band's self-titled debut sold it's millionth copy a mere three months after it's release in 1976 and to date has sold more than 17 million copies. Boston's debut LP was one of only two vinyl records I played so frequently that I actually wore them out to the point they needed replacement (Meat Loaf's Bat out of Hell was the other).

Boston's music is still a staple on classic rock radio and in my own CD player and iPod. To this date, I still can't figure out how Brad Delp was able to accomplish some of the vocal magic captured on record. The band has memorialized Delp on their website with a photo and the following statement "The nicest, kindest, most caring, down to earth rock star the world has ever known. May you rest in Peace ."

Friday, March 09, 2007

No Work Fridays!

With an overabundance of vacation time, I've decided to take every Friday of in March. I slept in today, which for me is earlier than most but still enjoyable, as well as got some reading done, went to a baby shower, and updated my iPod.

I suspect there should come a time where I use my ff time from work more efficiently with doing stuff around the house but for now, I just didn't want to.

I am looking forward to a new season of baseball beginning and hopeful that the pleasantly mild winter will soon be gone without a fight.

As I type this, I am listening to Bill Bryson read his autobiography.

I drove past the intersection where I was pulled over last night and was extra careful to come to a full stop at the stop sign.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

License & Registration Please

I got pulled over tonight while driving home from my teaching job. I hate when that happens because aside from being somewhat embarassing, I get super nervous. The officer asked me while I was gathering my license and registration if I was cold or nervous and if there was something I wasn't telling him...that scared the crap out of me. I was nervous, because I don't like getting pulled over. I was cold, it was 11 degrees outside. I wasn't hiding anything, I wasn't drunk, I just left work and was going home and I honestly had no clue why I was pulled over at that point.

After I explained to the officer that indeed I was nervous, but only because I don't like to be pulled over, he had explained that I had nothing to worry about and that if my record was clean, I would only be given a warning. I provided my license and registration, thanked him, and waited patiently. When he returned, he explained that I had blown a stop sign. Odd, I drive past that stop sign at least once, often twice or more per day.

Very odd. Indeed, very odd.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

You Know it's Cold When...

..the temperature doubles and it's still less than 5 degrees outside!

I don't like it much, but I accept it, especially since this is New England and it's normal and especialy since this has been a very, very mild winter season.

The IT offices on the Main campus have a short stairway leading down into the main area. As such, they have a wheelchair lift so as to be ADA compliant. What was baffling was the particulars of the wheelchair lift installation that were far too stupid to be reasonable and frightening to be intentional. About 10-12 inches from the lift, which resides in an upward-folded position at the base of the stairs, there is a control box with instructions posted just above it; then a few feet above the control box is a service light and above that sign that reads "Lift in Use when Light is Flashing." The lift is a foot away, is this really necessary? And the kicker for me is the first instruction, "First check if the lift is currently in use." Again, if it's currently in use, and it's one foot away, is that instruction really necessary?

How's are you?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Goodbye Susan and Terry

About two and a half years ago, the Rev. Susan Richmond came to our church in an interim capacity as our search committee was about to embark on what turned out to be quite a ride. About six months or so later, difficult events in Susan's personal life created the need and opportunity for a friend of hers, the Rev. Terry McCall to come on board as co-interim and thus was born a unique "team-ministry".

Nobody, especially Susan and Terry, knew how things would work but as we said goodbye to them today as they wrapped up their ministry, our hearts were heavy, our eyes were filled with tears, and we all realized just how important they were to us and how much we love them.

Susan and Terry, career interim priests now will get some well deserved rest and them patiently awaith their next interim call as we at St. Andrew's begin a new chapter in our lives as the Rev. Julie Carson begins her tenure as our rector.

For me personally, Susan and Terry will always remain a strong part of my life. I love you both very much and will always be grateful for your friendship, spiritual direction, and love.

Friday, March 02, 2007

March Madness?

It constantly baffles me as to how fast time goes by. March 2nd already and I don't feel as if I've accomplished anything really significant as roughly 1/6th of the year has already passed on.

I had spent the better part of two weeks trying to contact a contractor to get me an estimate to remodel the master bath, which in a word is disgusting. After at least half a dozen phone calls, my last one basically was teling him that if he wasn't interested in the job, to just let me know so that I could move on. The reason I was so persistent and forgiving in the first place was because he has done work in my house before and I like his work and trust him. After discussing the dilemma with colleagues who have more experience than I as homeowners, they seem to agree that this odd behavior is common amongst contractors.

I has another guy in back in January to quote me on replacing an old, leaky skylight. The day I agreed to his price, near the end of January, was the last I heard from him - until today. After getting the other guy to finally come measure out the bathroom,I realy wanted to get the skylight done first so I called the skylight guy yesterday and sure enough, he returned my call and we got that set up for this Monday, weather permitting.

Here's a pet peeve, I hate when someone claims to offer more than 100%. For example, the phrase "I'll give 110% to make this work." I hate that - it makes no sense and in fact is mathematically impossible. Truth be told, if everyone who ever claimed to give 110% actually gave as much as 10%, we'd all be better off.

Today is my sister's bithday...happy 41st Rose.