Friday, September 14, 2007

My Magic Button


Today I am going to push my magic button and then all will be right again. Everybody I know will be happy and healthy for all of their days. All of my blogger peeps will be in full force blogging and commenting. Cuzzup will move to MA and open an successful northeast branch of Trail Boss. Everyone will skrinker about with perfect hair so that Brookem could start a new blog dedicated exclusively to good heads of hair (which we will discuss frequently over Thai food and Sam Adams). Me, ARM, and Radioactive Girl will open the first and/or best online bakery and it will be a smashing success. Airam will become principal – no, wait, that I bet would be a waste of her amazing teaching skills but she will start a weekly podcast featuring snapping pencil sounds and unintentional karaoke; needless to say all of her other needs will be met as well. Sprizee will win the car of her choice, in a custom hybrid version, and this car will never breakdown or need anything other than routine maintenance and a name other than Gretchen 2. Apple will become a customer service oriented company. Egan will become triathlete and father of the year simultaneously and score a small fortune as Apple stock goes through the roof after becoming a customer service oriented company. Egan will purchase iBooks, IPhones, and iPods for all of his blogger friends and they will remain trouble free since Apple has become a customer oriented service company.

Crap, I can't find my magic button. I better go look for it, the warranty expired yesterday and of course Apple is the manufacturer.


Note: This all started as a fantasy sequence and turned into an ugly rant on Apple. I just couldn't resist but it really is all in good natured fun. Truth is I really wish I had that button because all of you mean so much to me. I wish that I could take care of everyone I care about and protect everyone from the fucked up shit. Well, at least we all have each other…perhaps that darn button exists after all.

13 comments:

brookem said...

chris, first i didn't know where you were going with this said "magic button"... but that's just because i need to get my mind out of the gutter. remember the song magic stick? mwahahaha.

what a nice post. i wish a magic button or wand or stick could take away all of the nasta-shast crap too.

you're a good friend buddy. thai soon!

egan said...

While I do like this fantasy of yours, I'm not sure I like your tone when it comes to the Apple products. Have you ever had to call Microsoft for help on something?

Now, when I'm in Boston again we'll grab a Sam's, eat thai, watch the BoSox narrowly beat the Yankees (but someone will punch Kevin Yukilis in the face for the third straight game since the bitch deserves it), and we'll navigate to Logan sans problems. Viva Boston!

brookem said...

chris, do you think my watermelon looks like the citgo sign? someone once told me that...
go papi!

egan said...

Ha, I wonder who told you your watermelon looks like the Citgo sign? Hmmm...

Chris said...

Brookem - Thai soon! I hope your girls night out is a success.

Egan - I couldn't help but break your chops on the Apple shit - I went over the top. I very much look forward to your return to Boston and I'd love to visit your fair city at some point.

Brookem and Egan - Not sure about the Cito resemblance. Maybe after x SAMS and/or y diapers. I'll revisit this.

egan said...

Citgo baby! No need for any Sam Adams yo, trust me on this one.

Airam said...

What a great post ...

I could be a principal who teaches some classes throughout the week ... I would totally incorporate that into my schedule.

radioactive girl said...

Excellent! But could I also be an awesome triathelete? I have been slacking lately with the workouts (and the good news is that when I am not skinny as a toothpick, I have more energy and am happier, which seems like a pretty good life lesson) but I'd love to do another triathlon and do well at it! Internet bakery sounds great...we need to think of a cool name for it!

My ipod keeps dying for no good reason and it bugs me that I have to keep paying to send it back when it seems like they aren't really actually fixing it, but otherwise I have been happy with them. They are always pretty cheerful about helping me anyway.

Chris said...

Airam - I knew that you would make sense of it all. Congratualtions Principle Airam!

Radioactive Girl - Consider it done partner, yo too are a champion traithlete who incidentally just won a nationally recognized trathlon event. Egan was unable to compete in this particular event due to an Apple shareholder meeting. :)

egan said...

Chris, very funny sir. I actually do not own stock in Apple, but have been considering it.

Tori, let's do this triathlon thing the right way. I got to get my ass back in shape stat!

egan said...

Citgo logo! How can you deny it?

Chris said...

Egan - You could have done far worse that to have owned Apple stock over the last few years. After looking at Brookem's melon and the citgo logo side by side, i can see a mild resemblance (though far different from the Citgo sign that is one of the landmarks of Beantown).

egan said...

You're a stickler sometimes man.