Thursday, January 31, 2008

Turtle Doves


In my last post, I posed the following question "What the fuck is a "turtle dove" and do they only come in pairs?" The delightful Airam responded whimsically, "Isn't a turtle dove one of them animals that came into existence when a turtle accidentally had sex with a dove?" The following all came to me after reading that, while laughing almost uncontrollably as I creepily typed…
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Timmy the "12 step" Turtle walking home from a meeting feeling particularly depressed somehow loses all faith and in a moment of weakness, steps into a bar and goes on a bender. Next thing he knows, he's waking up next to Donna "Don't call me slutty" the Dove with no recollection of how or what.

Timmy eases his way out of the bed and slips out to try and move forward and start a new chapter of sobriety.

About six months later, Timmy hears a knock on the door and was surprised to find of all things, a rather lovely little dove who was either pregnant or had a penchant for fatty (yet high in protein as well) bloodworms.

"Timmy Turtle" shouted Donna. Timmy responded, "Yeah, yeah, who's asking?" "It's me, Donna." "Very nice to meet you Donna, what can I do for you at this ungodly hour of the morning?" said Timmy. Donna huffed several times then her feathers began to ruffle as she yelped "Timmy, you've already done something and now look carefully at me and see just what you've done. It's not like I've been devouring buckets of bloodworms these last six months. Think back, think the Jungle Pub over on Seventh and Foster, think my place afterward Mr. Slow (Gin Fizz) and Easy."

Timmy scratched his shell and took a peak at his sobriety calendar and literally took a shit where he stood and then began to stutter loudly, that is, as loudly as a turtle could stutter after realizing he knocked up a bird. "You, you, b-b-b-bender, D-D-D…." "I guess you ended up jerking the wrong bird," said Donna.

FADE TO BLACK

What will become of Timmy and Donna? And what kind of offspring will a Turtle and a Dove produce? Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion on The Second Day of Christmas. Until then, goodnight.

2 comments:

Airam said...

You are as twisted as I am!! :)

Chris said...

Airam - I take that as a complement :)