Monday, January 05, 2009

Skating to Death

Seems like these stories happen every winter, some dumb ass gets the urge to ice skate and instead of going to an ice skating rink, they go skating on a "frozen' pond and fall through the ice and either die (most cases) or come close.
Now I'm no Scott Hamilton by any means, in fact, I suck at ice skating but do consider it remotely enjoyable. But if I get the random urge, I look for a rink, not a fucking pond, lake, or some other body of water.
Before I even go on, I expressed my feelings at this nonsense at work and they all tell me that because I grew up in New York, I just can't "understand" it - I say, BULLSHIT!
Here the wacky logic of it all. Let's take boots with sharp blades at the bottom and used them to run across a layer of ice above a body of water deep enough to drown in and cold enough to induce hypothermia (leading to death) faster that help can arrive - yeah, that's fucking genius. Nothing smarter that a sharp blade to cut away at the thin layer of protection between you and death!
This leads me to another "brilliant" past time - ice fishing. Again, an even that takes place on top of a layer of ice above the frigid waters of doom. This time, you build a little shack to cozy up in because what could be more comforting than a nice heavy shelter sitting on top of that "protective" layer.
Oh, let's not forget the giant jack hammer like power tools used to cut through the ice (translation: intentionally removing a slab of your layer exposing that which may kill you) so that you can drop a line down while praying to baby Jesus for a little warmth and a bite not realizing that every second of warmth you actually receive brings you one step closer to being fish food.
I realize lots of people do this shit and even live to tell about it. Me, I think it's ridiculous and as many screws I may have loose, none of them are loose enough to do either of these gems.


egan said...

I don't get fishing period. Talk about waiting (previous post reference), I've got no time to sit around and wait for an innocent fish to chomp on a fish hook.

Anonymous said...

some of are not afraid of everything we do not understand. what a girl you are

Chris said...

Dear Anonymous - if you are so brave, why do you feel it necessary to remain anonymous?