Monday, February 27, 2012

Blind Date #1

This is a little story about a blind date I went on, oh, quite some time ago. It was set up by my friend Joe's mom, I don't recall the girl's name but do recall it being extremely Irish; not to mention, her intensely Irish family that I shall let you know about in a minute.

Of course Joe's mom, Ann, told me just how wonderful this girl was and how she came from such a nice family and how I'm such a nice guy and how perfect this is all going to be. I bought it all hook, line, and sinker because at least it took the pressure off having to ask and potentially be rejected, in the blind date scenario, the sell is done by a third party and even if the date doesn't happen, the rejection isn't real - so all you have left to focus on is the date itself. Oh, yeah, and just how beautiful (or handsome) is this person really going to be - I know, it sounds awful but it's reality - 100% of the time, I am just being honest about it.

The day of the date, I am pretty nervous but I go about my business when the time comes, I drive to her house, ring the bell (take a giant deep breath, look up and immediately negotiate with God to ensure I don;t pass out - likely offering something I could never really pay back). Her mother answer the door and in a thick Irish brogue, invites me in and asks me to wait as she finishes getting ready.

In the moment, I had tunnel vision as she led me to a chair in the dining room and the moment I sat down, my vision opened up to a house full of people. There was an enormous Irish-Catholic family surrounding me, staring at me, that all started tossing out questions and playing up their prize girl they were about to offer up to me (presumably if I answered the questions well enough to not have them instead carry me out to the back alley and beat me to death).

Mind you, I showed up on time only to endure this barrage for about 20 minutes (or what felt like decades) and at the moment the girl was ready, it became a production where the mother announced here like some Irish royalty was about to enter the room in Cinderella's ball gown. She was wearing a normal outfit, on par with the level of dress/casual that I was wearing. She was no Charlize Theron but she was certainly pretty enough, not that I had any right to be critical of her looks in any way (and I wasn't other than after all of the ridiculous hype, the mind paints a picture that could almost never be matched, I only hoped in the moment I wasn't an incredible disappointment).

After another, probably only 5 minutes but it felt like 30, we left, got in the car, and that's actually where it all began to go downhill (I know, right?). Regardless of nerves, I think I have a reasonably good personality and have the ability to carry on a conversation. Plus, when you are driving around with someone who you've only known for three to five minutes, there are plenty of questions and topics for conversation. Turns out though that this girl wasn't much of a social butterfly and had the personality of the dirt that a shamrock might be planted in. I don't think she said twelve words in the ride to the restaurant, I really should have just driven her back home but I too was nervous and just thought she might be reserved and would later open up a little.

I remember it was an Italian restaurant on Coney Island Avenue in Brooklyn but can't recall the name of the place or the food that was ordered. However, I do recall the awkward time lapse between reviewing the menus then placing our orders and waiting for the food to arrive. Every speck of conversation was initiated by me or there would most certainly have been complete silence the whole time. During the meal, again, I asked every question, she had none (I asked her if she did, her only response was, "no"). When the meal ended, I asked for a shot of Sambuca, she didn't what anything of the sort. Back in the car, drove her home then walked her to her front door. I think she said thank you for the dinner and I said good night then went to give her a pack on the cheek. I was so drained from this date, I had no intention of ever speaking to this person again and wasn't looking for anything. I was offering a simple, friendly, peck on the cheek. She backed away like a dragon was about to set her face on fire or Satan was about to kick into high gear, She turned the door know and said good night as she was entering the house, never turning to even look at me - that was the last I ever saw of her.

Later, Ann asked me about the date and I told her the truth. I was a bit milder than this - basically saying that we didn't really click and that I appreciated her thinking of me and setting in up (in reality, I was a little mad at her for setting me up with this girl with no personality whatsoever).

ANd that, was that.

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