Tuesday, August 28, 2012

On the Verge

Many paths were crossing today and it was shaky going at one point when I truly thought I might have a full on panic attack. I don't say that lightly but I also know that being able to articulate such is a statement as to what a difference a decade or so makes.

I've got two friends that have been dealing with children 5 and under with Leukemia, a friend who just had major cardiac surgery, and it goes on. How can I not have at least some perspective as to the precious value of life?

Today though, between the pressures of getting the semester going at work, once again short staffed, along with tomorrow being the first day of high school for my daughter (and only child), and my brain focusing on something that's been tugging at my heart strings for some time and on top of that, my daughter had some requests that I really wanted to fulfill for her but they were not easy and kept me tied ip at the market for an hour and then in the kitchen for three more....there was a lot of coping skills and breathing exercises.

I am just winding down right now. I am calm, not relaxed, but calm. I know that many of my problem are those that some people would wish for.

Tomorrow is another day and I'll start it ready to move forward and tale on the day and take action.

This may be disjointed and even a tad cryptic but I appreciate the forum to vent.

Typed on the iPad, sorry in advance for typos.


Radioactive Tori said...

That perspective comment is interesting because I have thought things like that before when I'm stressed out about tiny things. I have had my head drilled into and tons of other awful things but it's the little things that really mess me up in the moment sometimes. I can handle huge things but lots of little things make me feel like I'm going to die. Does this make sense to you? I think it isn't perspective that matters, just sometimes things hit you hard for no reason you can figure out.

For me I think what makes me feel the worst is feeling like what I'm doing isn't enough or good enough for someone. I have actually never cried or really stressed out too much about any of my health stuff but when my daughter doesn't think she's going to make the tennis team it ruins my whole day. I honestly lost more sleep over that dumb tennis coach situation than I ever did over health issues. I think you are a very generous caring person and it seems like maybe when you feel like there is too much for you to do or that you want to do for others it is overwhelming. I'm not really explaining this well but just know I think you are awesome and that you are a wonderful dad to your daughter and a great friend to me. My kids still talk about you all the time and what a great guy you are.

Life is precious, you know that and you know what is important in life but it is still just fine to feel overwhelmed and stressed out about things that may seem minor in comparison to others. Some people going through big stresses doesn't cancel out your right to feel stressed about what goes on in your life.

(just FYI if this makes no sense, I am on pain medicine right now, sorry!)

Chris said...

Tori - I hope your meds are keeping the pain aay and that your recovery is quick. Thanks for your words, they mean a lot to me.