Sunday, August 23, 2015

Small Bladders and Bad Concert Etiquette

At one point in the concert last night, some dude comes barreling through the aisle, I was on the end seat, my daughter next to me...when he gets to the point in between my daughter and I he places his hand on my right shoulder and makes a point of saying to me, "Sorry, small bladder" as he passed through.

My daughter and I began to crack up and the humor of it but also recognized the creepiness of it. Of course, it had legs, we started to look up the phrase "small bladder" in other languages and talked about filming a reenactment in as many languages as we can.

It became a running gag as he did passed through several times during the show as did the guy to my daughter's right. It became often enough that I even posted to FB that I somehow ended up in a row filled with men with small bladders.

Let's talk for a minute about the inevitable idiots that go to the shows, sadly, it's a large number. First, the rude and obnoxious who think it's okay to smoke. How fucking disgusting a human can one be that they would have the balls to light up a cigarette (or anything) right among the crowd? Honestly, these are the times I wish there were hyper-extreme laws...if it were up to me, you get caught lighting anything during the show, immediate ejection and a night in jail along with an arrest on your record. A second offense lands you for a week in prison and a $10,000 fine. A third time, how about a year in jail and a $25,000 fine - in my opinion, not extreme enough, but these assholes are just that and should be punished harshly.

Now let me talk about the people that feel the need to get up a dozen or more times during the two hour show to get beer, food, water, or anything? Are you kidding me? You can't plan your time so that you don't need to get up for two hours to see the show that you spent hundreds of dollars to see? Why bother? Christ, if you need a beer so desperately, I can think of other places you should be instead of at the concert annoying me - quite frankly, anywhere else would be fine, just not near me would be just fine. Get your fill and your shit before the show then sit the fuck down and enjoy the show - if you can't do that, you don't deserve to be there. There are a few, and it's a very few, excusable reasons for someone to get up during a show - not going to list them because reasonable humans could figure them out...rant over.

No comments: