Thursday, December 27, 2018

A Truffle PSA

I suspect that whomever left this sack of truffles on the conference table just outside my office believed they were making a kind gesture toward their colleagues. Unfortunately, this was a gross miscalculation and upon discovering such, I felt the need to report about it.

Earlier in the day I saw a colleague go over and indulge, I thought nothing of it, other than, FUCK! I want one too! However, I was good, I resisted.

Jump to a few hours later, I return from lunch and what is better after a meal that a little something sweet (Note, the answer is nothing, if you didn't get that correct, you might need to go back and read the textbook)?

I mosied over to the table, just steps from my work space, and reached for one, popped it into my mouth, and let the chocolate sit there to melt only slightly helping it along with slight pressure from the roof of my mouth. I found this brief ritual most enjoyable, the taste receptors on my tongue were in communication with the receptors in my brain and before I knew it, before I have even walked all the way back into my office, I did an about face and had another. It wasn't long before I considered a third, but I knew I had to be strong, so thus far, I have resisted - I ask for your good wishes that I can remain strong as I know that as much initial delight a third would strike up in the mouth, everywhere south of the mouth would send messages of regret as soon as they could.

Some tips to manage your life in the presence of a similar box of truffles:

Travel with a trusted friend who is in possession of a dart and an alcohol swab. Inform your friend that the moment you reach for a third truffle, to quickly wipe the dart with the alcohol swab and throw it right at your cheek. In addition to the friend you travel with being trusted, it's a definite bonus if they are really good at darts and even more if they have a car nearby in the case you need urgent care.

If you are alone and have a box of these truffles, take one (or two) out, place it (or them) on a plate (a napkin will also do). Place the remaining contents of the box of truffles down the food disposal, get the water running, then turn on the food disposal unit for at least enough time to destroy all of the truffles. Once disposed of, enjoy the two remaining truffles before going about your day.

I believe both of these tips are of great use, but you you have alternate suggestions, feel free to let me know.

No comments: